Video explaining the Relationship Escalator

I’ve been meaning to do a video to explain what the Relationship Escalator is, and how it affects the kinds of intimate relationships that people have. But, you know, I’ve been busy writing and publishing a book on that topic: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator. In the meantime, I found this video from 2015, by […]

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Monogamy: What does it mean to you?

Monogamy is perhaps the most visible hallmark of the Relationship Escalator (intimate relationships that follow social norms). But what is monogamy, really? The definition of monogamy really comes down to what the people involved in a monogamous relationship want it to mean. Under current social norms, monogamy refers to some substantial level of exclusivity between […]

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Ashley Madison and the problem of compulsory monogamy

If you ever doubted what a nuclear-grade hot button monogamy is in mainstream society, look no further than the fallout from the Ashley Madison hack. Last week, the cybercriminals who stole the user list of this website (which helps people in exclusive relationships arrange secret sexual hookups with other partners) made good on their threat […]

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New poll reveals strong stigma against ethical nonmonogamy

According to recent poll by YouGov1, only one in four U.S. adults believe that polyamory2 is “morally acceptable.” The majority (56%) believe that polyamorous relationships are “morally wrong,” and 18% aren’t sure. Meanwhile, in the U.K., people are just slightly less intolerant. There, YouGov found3 that just over one third (35%) of British adults find […]

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Monogamous relationships can be unconventional, too

One of the most obvious, common, and controversial ways that intimate relationships can be unconventional is to somehow step aside from monogamy (sexual and romantic exclusivity). However, about 9% of the responses to my survey on unconventional relationships came from monogamous people — and some of these people have rather unconventional monogamous relationships.

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Ashley Madison data theft shows more nuanced conversation on monogamy is needed

When news broke on July 19 that the user database of the website Ashley Madison had been compromised, public moralizing kicked into high gear. Some people were eager to know whether their spouse had stepped out on them; and people who had cheated (or even just been curious about cheating) worried that they might lose […]

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