Video explaining the Relationship Escalator

I’ve been meaning to do a video to explain what the Relationship Escalator is, and how it affects the kinds of intimate relationships that people have. But, you know, I’ve been busy writing and publishing a book on that topic: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator.

In the meantime, I found this video from 2015, by Jeff,  that does a pretty good job of explaining these concepts. While he mentions polyamory, and this is part of his video series on polyamory, Jeff offers a clear, basic explanation of the Escalator that should be understandable to people who know nothing about polyamory or other kinds of unconventional relationships.

So if you like videos, this a good place to start. Thanks, Jeff!


Updated book sneak preview and detailed table of contents

As I’m preparing the first print edition of my book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator, I’ve updated the free sneak preview. It’s been expanded to include the Preface, Introduction, Chapter 1, and now the complete Chapter 2.

I’ve also posted the detailed Table of Contents. The subheadings for each chapter can give you an idea of the variety and depth of relationship topics covered.

…I’m still fixing a few final formatting glitches, but this is good enough to show. The print edition should be available no later than the first week of March, 2017. Stay tuned for that announcement!


Free Sneak Preview: Preface through Ch. 2

Detailed Table of Contents

ALSO, FEBRUARY ONLY: You can download a special extra free preview:

Chapter 13, Going Solo: Autonomy In and Out of Relationships

All kinds of relationship escalators…

The “escalator” concept is useful for all sorts of relationships! I just was looking over inbound links to this website and found this great post from SugarButch Chronicles about power exchange in kink:
“As related to the relationship escalator, I use the term ‘power escalator’ to mean that in relationships based on authority exchange or power play that often, both parties assume that as trust builds, they will play with more and more power exchange, but that is not always what the people ultimately want. Stopping anywhere along the ‘power escalator’ is valid, and going all the way to total power exchange 24/7 master/slave is not the most ‘real,’ or better, or any more valid than any other place.”
Brilliant! As an aside, I’d like to note that relationships that involve BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) may or may not be on the Relationship Escalator, as defined in my book. There are plenty of people in monogamous, cohabiting relationships that enjoy various kinds of kink. Diversity is awesome, and nuanced.

Free download for February: Book chapter on going solo

I first began writing about unconventional relationships in 2012, when I launched the blog It was there that I published the post that triggered the entire Off the Escalator project: Riding the Relationship Escalator or Not? That post received wide attention from all kinds of places, not just the polysphere. I was glad that I was able to bring more visibility to solo polyamory, and to advance conversations around couple privilege (in both mainstream and poly culture).

As a gesture toward this project’s independent nature and solo poly roots, this month I’m offering a special giveaway: a free download of the chapter from my new book, Stepping off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life, that addresses solohood and solo polyamory.

DOWNLOAD NOW:  Ch. 13: Going Solo: Autonomy In and Out of Relationships
This free content will be available online until March 1.

If you like that and want to read more, the free sample chapter for the Kindle edition is pretty meaty – a good taste of what the rest of this 25-chapter book has to offer.

I hope you enjoy reading it. Please tell your friends!


Book Now Available, Get it at Amazon!

Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator book

Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life is a new book about intimate relationships that don’t follow the traditional path. The first book in the Off the Escalator series, it’s based on over 1500 responses to a survey where people shared their experiences with unconventional intimacy.

Buy the Kindle ebook for $9.99
An excellent value, this is the equivalent of a 300-page print book.
(The print edition will be published soon, and will be priced around $17.)

Learn more