I’m finalizing the text of my forthcoming book, “Stepping off the Relationship Escalator: Love and Life Outside Society’s Norms.” I created a quiz intended to help people determine whether their current relationship(s) might be on, or off, the Relationship Escalator. I’d really appreciate it if some people could take this quiz and let me know: Are the instructions and questions clear? What’s confusing, if anything? Do you think the results accurately reflect how on/off your current relationship(s) are? Any other suggestions? Thanks! ======================================= QUIZ: If you’re currently in any intimate relationships, answering these questions can help you determine how much […]
The cover story of the November 2016 issue of Psychology Today caught my attention in the grocery store yesterday: Listening to Jealousy, by Sara Eckel. This lengthy feature explores several research-based insights into how jealousy works in the context of intimate relationships — and how the people who experience jealousy, or deal with its effects, can better manage this notoriously powerful and unruly bundle of emotions. Much of this information is very useful. However, there is one glaring omission: It completely overlooks the wealth of experience, insight and skill that many people who practice various styles of consensual nonmonogamy have developed for […]
Today’s Daily Observations podcast from The Mac Observer features an interview with me by Jeff Gamet. We mainly discuss the process I’m using to research, create, and publish the Off the Escalator book series. Give it a listen, and you’ll see why this has taken four years so far — and why it’s all worth the effort, I hope! LISTEN NOW: TMO Daily Observations 2016-11-10: Interview with Amy Gahran Many thanks to host Jeff Gamet for such an excellent and fun conversation! I appreciate your interest and support! Who’s Amy Gahran? Well, that’s me, the author of the Off the Escalator […]
I’ve been working really hard on this project. It’s taken me longer than expected, but I’m nearly ready to publish. The first two books in the Off the Escalator series are written, and in final production. The first book will be available for sale in January 2017, if not sooner. Want a sneak preview? Subscribe to the mailing list (see “subscribe” at right). After you confirm your e-mail subscription, you’ll receive a link to download the first 20 pages of book 1, for free! OR: Like the Off the Escalator Facebook page. The first post under the pinned post there […]
Still making progress, even though I’ve been rather quiet about it. I’d hoped to be blogging more here, but it’s enough just to focus on finishing the editing process. I’d originally hoped to publish this book by the end of 2015. The editing process is proving to be much more involved than I anticipated, and also life intervened. But I’m nearly done with this editing. Parts 1-5 are edited, I’m one chapter shy of editing Part 6, which will bring it to a total of 21 chapters edited so far. Part 7 will be 5-6 short-ish chapters, And then I […]
Karen, a reader of this blog, wanted to know what people who responded to my survey had to say about jealousy and trust in unconventional relationships. (You can suggest a topic, too.) Jealousy is a painfully intense, complex emotional reaction that can cripple relationships — and it happens in traditional relationships, as well as unconventional ones. Because intimate relationships are often where we are most vulnerable, yet we never really know what will happen in any relationship. “It’s a super vulnerable feeling sometimes to trust the present and not worry about the future.” — Colleen: queer, partnered and open to […]
One of the best surprises of my survey on unconventional relationships were the many thoughtful responses I received from people who are asexual — that is, they experience little or no sexual attraction. Sex typically plays little or no role in the deep bonds of love and commitment that asexual people form in relationships. I treasured these responses because they made me think very, very hard about the nature of intimacy, connection, and relationships. Asexuality is a rich and varied part of the full spectrum of human sexual expression. Nearly 9% of my survey respondents indicated that they fall somewhere on the asexuality (“ace”) […]
Over 1500 people responded to my survey on unconventional relationships. They had a lot to say, and I’m sure you don’t want to wait for my book to start hearing some of it! As I finish editing and publishing the first book from this project, I’d like to start publishing on this blog a few times a week, quotes that are especially interesting and meaningful. I’d like your help. What topics would you like to hear about? Please help me select some key voices and topics from my extensive library of quotes.
In recent years, mainstream media coverage of polyamory (a popular approach to consensual nonmonogamy) has been increasing. But usually, it focuses on the forms of polyamory that resemble conventional monogamy in significant ways: Family-style polyamory, where more than two adults with overlapping intimate relationships also live with (or at least very near) each other and function as a family unit. Couple+ polyamory, where an established (and usually formerly monogamous) couple “opens up” to allow other relationships, but their primary relationship is assumed to be the top priority — and other partners and relationships are presumed to defer to this. But then […]
I’ve been busy, busy, busy revising my original manuscript for the first book in the Off the Escalator series — slimming it down from a gargantuan 105,000 words to around 60-70,000 words. For awhile I was really struggling with how to do this, especially how to better manage integrating quotes curated from over 1000 surveys. But I think I’ve got a handle on those problems, and I’m making tons of progress.